“F*ck that guy,” and other advice my therapist gave me
If you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen the screenshots I post of my conversations with my therapist.
She’s unlike any other therapist I’ve had in the past. She very much says it like it is, but with compassion, and I know that no matter what she tells me - whether I want to hear it or not - she is always on my side.
We’re a good match, and I think that’s in part because the things she says, stick with me.
I want to share some of my favorite tips and quotes from my current therapist that I hope can help you, too. (Just remember, this isn’t medical advice!! Find ya own therapist if you want that 😉)
“F*ck that guy”
I spent months crying over the same person, then another month crying over another, and on and on I’ve let myself get too attached to, and then hurt by, various people in my life. I’ve always blamed myself for the outcome (I kind of just did it in the previous sentence), and I have been told more than a few times that I can be “too vulnerable” or “too trusting.”
My therapist disagrees - she doesn’t think I’m “too much” of anything, but helps me to understand that other people are not perfect, no matter how much I may perceive them to be, and that my expectations of those people are hurting me just as much as their actions are. But, she doesn’t let them off the hook that easily.
If she’s mad at the way I’ve been treated by someone, she will not hold back. And I love that about her.
In addition to her cats (we do telehealth, she works from home), cozy blankets, and a coffee, swear words are a staple in our counseling sessions. It’s just what works for us and it makes me laugh every time she gets mad at someone in my life and throws out a quick F bomb, and then we can move on.
“you need to get up right now, you need to shower, and then you need to go for a walk. you can cry the whole time if you want to, but you have to get up”
I was hurtinggg when she said this. I logged onto my therapy session in tears, and disclosed that I had been going between sobbing and feeling numb for a couple of days at that point. I told her exactly why I was sad, and she helped me to see the ways in which the situation was likely out of my control and helped me to forgive myself all in one session.
Therapy is tough, tough work, and many times talking through things can be very helpful.
But, sometimes? You have to pick yourself up and keep it moving. The end of her sentence to me, after she said what I wrote above, was “If you don’t get up right now, you are at serious risk of staying stuck on that couch for the next several days.”
I was in shock.
A counselor had never spoken to me so directly before - all of my past therapists had tried to talk with me until I came to the conclusion that I needed to get up on my own, letting me think it was my idea. Or, they’d tell me that I should give myself grace and rest, because my body and my heart clearly needed it.
Both of those things are great advice tactics and I’ve certainly utilized them to my benefit in the past.
But when she told me so directly to get the h-e-doublehockeysticks up and do something with my day, I think she shocked me into action. I sobered up faster than ever before and I don’t remember crying at all the rest of the day. Did it suck? Yes. Did it work?
Also yes.
“workplace trauma is a very real thing”
Workplace racism, sexism, preferential treatment…it all exists. It’s all real. And it can and does impact your career opportunities and your overall feeling of belonging in the workplace.
This helped me feel less crazy and validated my negative reaction to some of the things that were said and happened to me in the work environment.
“Don’t be a d*ck”
“you deserve love you are excited about”
I have a habit of telling myself that the most I deserve is to settle.
“try hot yoga, it can help with a release of emotions”
I tried it, I liked it, I didn’t love it. But I appreciated the thought behind this - that her other clients have had a big emotional release in a hot yoga class and I knew that I couldn’t say anything negative about the option until I had tried it. And I wanted her to know that I was putting forth a real effort, and I think she appreciated that I did.
Do you go to therapy? Maybe your friends or family are your acting therapist? What advice has helped you most? be sure to share down below, and share this post with your circle if you found it at all insightful!
